Sealed With A Gift: Is it gag SWAG, or SWAG that makes you gag?
Oh.
Bed sheet (movie unknown)
In a case of DVD-PTSD, I’ve blocked from my mind many mindless films that swamped my Halloween like stoned ghouls. One included a bedsheet and instructions for making a ghost costume. (You cut holes out for eyes, I think.) And I thought you turned into a zombie after watching the DVDs.
Michael Myers mask ( Rob Zombie’s unrated “Halloween”)
Speaking of zombie, Rob Zombie is to moviemaking what Rob Zombie is to quality metal music, and despite my best intentions, I could not forget this ugly mask. Became briefly psyched when I thought it might be a mask of Mike Myers. No such shagadelic luck, baby.
Homer Simpson mini-snow globe (”The Simpsons Movie”)
I use this as a crystal ball and see “Simpsons” creator Matt Groening’s Forbidden Words list for “Life In Hell” 2009, which includes: “Don’t have a cow,” “Eat my shorts” and “D’oh!”
Pie knife (”Waitress”)
I get a lot of odd swag, but rarely do I see kitchen utensils. I suppose I could smear blueberries or rhubarb on it really, really fast and hope my guests never see “Waitress” emblazoned on the blade. Nah.
Pocket watch (”Karas: The Prophecy”)
And I thought Karras (as in Alex) was a pro footballer-turned-actor. Turns out if you drop an “r,” it’s an animated Japanese demon warrior film–and the logo for a fake gold watch with a bulbous winged eyeball on its face. Now there’s marketing synergy at work for ya.
“McDreamy/McSteamy” eye shield (”Grey’s Anatomy”)
The words are on either side of the shield. I guess this beats a “McHurtin’/McCertain” hemorrhoidal suppository. But sleep on this: While your sleeping self won’t see the ad, your wide-awake partner gets a round-the-clock commercial. McTacky? McXactly.
lcarlozo@tribune.com
Tags: amp, crystal ball, fly, mak, Marketing